Okay, after cooking up a pork chop wrapped in bacon and marinated since yesterday afternoon, I enjoyed my simple little meal. But then I felt drawn back out to the trail before the sun went down. As I walked out the door I realized that I may miss the sunset, so I ran up a big, wet, muddy hill to try and see it. Didn’t work. Beautiful skyline, but no sunset. So I did what I had been doing all day…I walked with Jesus. It was an encouraging time for me. I needed that.
Now I did something crazy that I would not recommend in your spiritual life. There is one thing I have been struggling with and longing for God’s direction on for a long time. I felt as if He had given me answers in the Paria Canyon last fall, but have doubted it sense. So I did something that I usually do not recommend. I asked God for a sign. I just needed to know that he believed in me. Here is the crazy part. I asked to see a deer.
Now as I walked the trail I debated with myself how silly it was to ask and how my faith is strong enough that I don’t need a sign. I said all that, but I gotta tell you I was stopping about every ten feet with every noise I heard hoping to see a deer. Then my mind went to battling itself because I had that discussion of; well if I don’t see a deer does that mean God is saying “no”, but then saying my faith is stronger than some sign. Then I gave up looking for a deer and just kept praying and walking. Probably 10 minutes later, there they were. Two beautiful deer standing in the trail in front of me about 50 feet away. I froze, allowing the mosquito to drink plenty of blood from my leg, but I was not moving. The deer looked at me from a distance, and then one of them began to walk towards me. For about 20 feet he moved closer, and then jumped off into the woods.
So, here I was perplexed. Yes, I saw a deer, just what I had asked God for. But, I also am not a believer in asking God for a sign. AND, I am in the woods…at dusk…in a place where I have already seen deer. Do you see the complexity of my spiritual struggle here? So, as a person maturing in their faith and trying to not over spiritualize everything, I stand on the fact that my faith in God and choice to follow him are strong elements of my life regardless of a sign.
However, the kid in me with a child like faith (which Jesus told us to have) says….I believe.
Thanks for an incredible day in your presence God. I know you love me. And I love you.
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