Give and Take...

So as I began planning out this sabbatical I had set goals in mind. One was to spend some sincere quality time with my family. And not just wanting quality time I wanted to strive for quantity as well when it came to living life with my girls. The first couple weeks were all about that. The time with my daughters and wife were priceless.

Another part of my plan was to spend some time focusing on my marriage. So we loaded up the girls, headed to my parents, and after a family packed weekend together, just two of us headed out on Monday...alone. As we traveled to the airport we enjoyed the freedom found in togetherness. Then it was a week together thanks to some generous friends who made it possible for us to have a place to go on the sunny gulf coast. As we slept in, relaxed, ate, got some sun, swam in the ocean, saw some dolphins and manatees, and relaxed some more. In the midst of all that we found time to talk and time to just sit with each other doing nothing. It's that uniqueness of a relationship where sometimes silence is okay. That kind of silence that is more of comfort in some one's presence than an awkward loss of words to say.

As we talked about life, the future, parenting, and so much more we found ourselves evaluating us...our marriage...and you couldn't help but inspect your own heart. I think what I learned the most from our time away was mostly about me. I know, that sounds really selfish, but I found myself reflecting on me as a husband. Not as a dad, not as a pastor, but a husband.

Here is my disclaimer. This is my blog, my thoughts, and my marriage. I don't claim that these thoughts relate to anything but my marriage and may not relate to or work in someone else's marriage, (but I think in principle they might). Every marriage is unique and how the two spouses interact could be drastically different from how Crystal and I interact.

I think we have a healthy marriage that we refuse to take for granted, but we do NOT have a perfect marriage. We have our moments just like everyone else, but how you define "moments" may be different than how we do. So don't use my words as a weapon in any conversation you have with a spouse. Comparison to others usually leads to someone feeling hurt.

SO... these thoughts are part of my journey of not wanting to take my marriage for granted. These are also thoughts regarding me and not my wife. Don't read anything into this that is not there or think I am insinuating any kind of hidden statement to her. These thoughts are about me and how I am letting God work my heart over about life, being a dad, and in this post, being a husband.

These are the thoughts I had after spending a week with my beautiful wife. Thoughts I pondered on the plane, in the car, and in my prayers. We hear that marriage is all about being 50/50, and the idea that marriage is all about give and take. Now I don't claim to be an expert here, but I do have an idea. I think for successful marriage its not about give and take, its about just giving. And even in that giving, it has to be with the right motive of the heart. A giving that includes communicating, caring, intimacy, sharing, parenting, and so much more. In all aspects of marriage I have to make the choice to love as Christ love, putting my spouse ahead of myself. So when I give of myself in my marriage it can't be because I am looking for the "take". I can't give because I am expecting my wife to give back. I simply have to give...because I love. And guys part of that giving is understanding what our wives want from us, not just giving based off our testosterone driven understanding of life.

So, maybe when two people are "givers" we are closer to a Biblical idea of marriage. I want that to describe me in my approach to the marriage relationship. Someone who gives of themselves to their spouse with no other motive than love. Sometimes I think I do a good job of this, sometimes I think I fail miserably. So what am I learning from all this? I want to be a husband who keeps his motive in check when I give. I know the Devil tries and attack my marriage. I know my sinful nature continues to tug my heart back to selfishness. So I battle. I do battle with my sinful nature, with temptation, with selfishness. I do battle because I intend to have Crystal be my companion every day I walk this earth. And I want to give of myself, just like my Jesus did for me. I love you Crystal. Hopefully, before we get really old, I will consistently be the husband I am battling to be...for you...and for the glory of God.