Well, the end came. My journey came to an end last saturday night. And after the seven week experience I can honestly say I am changed. It was not just time away, it was a sabbatical. A sabbatical of reflection, renewing, and plenty of God messing with me.
I learned that I need times of solitude. I have to make sure that I stay in tune with the Holy Spirit. For years I have felt God nudging my heart to more and more time with Him. The sabbatical was nothing short of a confirmation of that on my life. I am not looking for a tradition, but a longing to make my life a daily experience with God and to make sure I am taking time more frequently to find solitude with God.
I learned that I need to have faith in what God has called me to be. God called me at a young age to preach, to lead, to point people to Jesus. In my own insecurities I have often doubted this call. Usually different components of it at different times. On my journey God challenged me to have faith in Him. Not your classic definition of faith in regards to just believing in Him, but having faith that I can trust Him to do in me what He has called me to do. I can't let my insecurities be the louder voice in my heart when I can trust the One who called me to preach, to lead, and to point others to Christ. So I have been starting each day since asking God to help me have faith in what He called me to do. To trust Him like I never have before.
God also purged me of some things I struggled with. Attitudes, choices, and ways that I dealt with things, probably in a very unbiblical way. Over these 7 weeks God has purified my heart from these things and I don't want to go back to the level of numbness I had before.
Now that I am home I am jumping on the moving freight train called VNC. The pace of this place is crazy and calling it a moving train is pretty accurate. So I jump. But this time I jump with stronger faith that trust my Father. I jump with a fresh desire to tune into the Christ that lives within me. And I hope by doing so, I can be the leader my church is praying I will be.
Thanks for messing with me God. I humbly and fearfully ask you to keep doing it.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Roots...
Part of my journey included a trip to visit with one of my mentors. As a young man in college, I had been denying in my heart what I knew God had called me to do. It was in my freshman year of college that I finally acknowledged and accepted that the call on my life was real and I needed to go public with it. As I did that, God began to bring people in to my life that He would use to shape me in ministry, in life, and in leadership.
Dan Chitwood was a Campus Life Director for Kankakee Area Youth For Christ, and I was a college freshman investigating his call and volunteering with a ministry I had never heard of. I spent my first year in ministry being told to observe. Dan didn't throw me to the wolves, he held the reigns tight so that I could learn. As I watched Dan and others in leadership at YFC, I took it all in. As the years progressed, they put more responsibilities on me. At no moment did they micro-manage, they equipped me and then had faith that I would learn and follow through. Eventually they handed leadership over to me. As Dan moved to a different position, they had me step in and take his position of leadership of a campus life in Herscher, Il. I felt prepared, supported, and the years before hand probably helped me not be a fresh out of college know it all.
Over the years, I still call Dan when I need some insight on life, leadership, church, marriage, and my spiritual journey. He is a man of God that God used to shape me. It makes me hopeful that as I live my life and walk these steps, that I will have the opportunity to be a "Dan Chitwood" to someone and let God use me in that way as well.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Church Culture Part 3
Crossbridge Community Church (Fort Wayne, Indiana)
I had the opportunity to visit C3 church on my sabbatical as well. Its a church that has great passion to reach its community and impact lives. They meet at the YMCA each week and run a full children and youth program as well at the same time. Being relevant is a huge part of what C3 is all about. From the music to the teaching they present the gospel message in a very effective way without compromising the gospel in any way.
Things I noticed: Greeters at the door who not only walked us in, but helped us check in our kids and showed us around. The band opened with "Highway to Hell" playing which ended up being an excellent lead into the teaching that followed. The number of volunteers who helped set up and take down each and every week was incredible.
What I learned: A church is not defined by four walls and a steeple. Now, I know that no church is perfect and every setting has some unique issues to deal with every week, I was very impressed by this church. When people share a vision and the vision is communicated often, I think the body of Christ really begins to function as one in reaching others. In a YMCA gym, Jesus challenges his followers and draws new people to himself...who would have thought?
I had the opportunity to visit C3 church on my sabbatical as well. Its a church that has great passion to reach its community and impact lives. They meet at the YMCA each week and run a full children and youth program as well at the same time. Being relevant is a huge part of what C3 is all about. From the music to the teaching they present the gospel message in a very effective way without compromising the gospel in any way.
Things I noticed: Greeters at the door who not only walked us in, but helped us check in our kids and showed us around. The band opened with "Highway to Hell" playing which ended up being an excellent lead into the teaching that followed. The number of volunteers who helped set up and take down each and every week was incredible.
What I learned: A church is not defined by four walls and a steeple. Now, I know that no church is perfect and every setting has some unique issues to deal with every week, I was very impressed by this church. When people share a vision and the vision is communicated often, I think the body of Christ really begins to function as one in reaching others. In a YMCA gym, Jesus challenges his followers and draws new people to himself...who would have thought?
Friday, August 14, 2009
Church and Culture Part 2
In this posting, I wanted to share about our experience at Crossroads Community Church in Elkhart, IN. Crossroads is a great church very similar in size to VNC. It is a Nazarene church that took a risk many years ago to leave its location and style to do more to build the Kingdom. As with any major change, there are those who are against it and those who embrace it. What is neat is to see how this place is doing all it can to reach their community.
Now, we were there on a rather unique Sunday for this church. They were celebrating the Pastor's birthday so the service was probably not a typical Sunday morning. We went to the last service on Sunday morning and joined the others who had slept in or were involved in ministry already that morning.
Things I noticed: Great looking property, my kids loved the kids room they went to, an auditorium that was much smaller than what I thought it would be, very friendly greeters at the door who were a huge help, the lead electric guitar player also played the bass line by using the low E string (at least I thought his diversity at playing was pretty cool), and a definite connection between the pastor and the people of the congregation.
Things I learned: As different people were given the opportunity to share of how God had used the pastor in their lives I was reminded that God is at work even when we don't see it. In all my years of youth ministry we were constantly letting volunteers know that their love for the kids would have an impact down the road in ways they may never see. On that Sunday it was great to see some of those stories told of a person being obedient to God and loving others, and God using that relationship to bring someone else to Jesus.
Final Thoughts: As I looked at what this church was doing in Elkhart a couple things came to my mind. At VNC, we are blessed. The resources, the facilities, the staff that we have should not be taken for granted. Crossroads is located in the county that you see in the news an awful lot lately. Its unemployment rate is the highest in the United States. Our new auditorium is pro ably 5 times larger than theirs if not more. And yet, they are statistically averaging the same number of people. I have to believe this congregation is doing something right. With a genuine desire to build the Kingdom they are reaching their community at a hard time, and truly trusting God to meet the needs of this great church. After being there I can say I have great respect for what they are doing in Elkhart. You can visit their website at http://www.mycrossroadscommunity.com/
Now, we were there on a rather unique Sunday for this church. They were celebrating the Pastor's birthday so the service was probably not a typical Sunday morning. We went to the last service on Sunday morning and joined the others who had slept in or were involved in ministry already that morning.
Things I noticed: Great looking property, my kids loved the kids room they went to, an auditorium that was much smaller than what I thought it would be, very friendly greeters at the door who were a huge help, the lead electric guitar player also played the bass line by using the low E string (at least I thought his diversity at playing was pretty cool), and a definite connection between the pastor and the people of the congregation.
Things I learned: As different people were given the opportunity to share of how God had used the pastor in their lives I was reminded that God is at work even when we don't see it. In all my years of youth ministry we were constantly letting volunteers know that their love for the kids would have an impact down the road in ways they may never see. On that Sunday it was great to see some of those stories told of a person being obedient to God and loving others, and God using that relationship to bring someone else to Jesus.
Final Thoughts: As I looked at what this church was doing in Elkhart a couple things came to my mind. At VNC, we are blessed. The resources, the facilities, the staff that we have should not be taken for granted. Crossroads is located in the county that you see in the news an awful lot lately. Its unemployment rate is the highest in the United States. Our new auditorium is pro ably 5 times larger than theirs if not more. And yet, they are statistically averaging the same number of people. I have to believe this congregation is doing something right. With a genuine desire to build the Kingdom they are reaching their community at a hard time, and truly trusting God to meet the needs of this great church. After being there I can say I have great respect for what they are doing in Elkhart. You can visit their website at http://www.mycrossroadscommunity.com/
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Church and Culture
Three churches I wanted to share with you about include; Granger Community Church, Crossbridge Community (Fort Wayne), and Crossroads Community (Elkhart).
Granger Community Church (www.gccwired.com)
Granger is a great church that is trying to reach its community in many ways. Their main campus is in Granger/South Bend and they have a satellite venue as well in Elkhart. Great service, passionate staff, incredible facility, rocking music, interesting experience.
Things I noticed: Greeter at the door, massive foyer, great use of lights, pastor in a suit, good teaching, and as many of you know an incredible children's area and ministry. My girls love the church with a slide, just ask them.
Things I learned: The people we went with go to GCC. They get it. They understand who their church is trying to reach and they are beginning to participate in ministry. That is signs of a church that is doing something right. It's not about seeing how many people they can get, as it is about reaching the lost, introducing people to Jesus, and then teaching them to understand what it means to follow Jesus. They also give people, and have also made it part of their DNA, an opportunity to get involved in ministry. There is an excitement and almost a sense of "its the norm" to get plugged in somewhere.
Final Thoughts: Now, no church is perfect because its made up of people. Mike Yaconeli said it best when he said, "church is messy." So if you want to find faults with GCC I am sure you can. But I see a church that isn't for everybody, who has gotten comfortable in their skin of being who God has called them to be. Who is reaching out to their community and helping those who don't know Jesus to find Him.
Granger Community Church (www.gccwired.com)
Granger is a great church that is trying to reach its community in many ways. Their main campus is in Granger/South Bend and they have a satellite venue as well in Elkhart. Great service, passionate staff, incredible facility, rocking music, interesting experience.
Things I noticed: Greeter at the door, massive foyer, great use of lights, pastor in a suit, good teaching, and as many of you know an incredible children's area and ministry. My girls love the church with a slide, just ask them.
Things I learned: The people we went with go to GCC. They get it. They understand who their church is trying to reach and they are beginning to participate in ministry. That is signs of a church that is doing something right. It's not about seeing how many people they can get, as it is about reaching the lost, introducing people to Jesus, and then teaching them to understand what it means to follow Jesus. They also give people, and have also made it part of their DNA, an opportunity to get involved in ministry. There is an excitement and almost a sense of "its the norm" to get plugged in somewhere.
Final Thoughts: Now, no church is perfect because its made up of people. Mike Yaconeli said it best when he said, "church is messy." So if you want to find faults with GCC I am sure you can. But I see a church that isn't for everybody, who has gotten comfortable in their skin of being who God has called them to be. Who is reaching out to their community and helping those who don't know Jesus to find Him.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Roots
A part of this journey was not planned by me, but I can see it was something God had in mind for me. As we traveled to Granger, Indiana to be a part of Granger Community Church and Elkhart Crossroads Community Church, part of our plan included staying at a very special family's home while we were there. While there, God reminded me of my roots in the call He had placed on my life. This family is the Minix family. And God used them to shape part of who I am today.
When I had graduated college, Crystal and I had made our first homestead in Elkhart, Indiana. Crystal had a job already and I was fresh out of school on the search. I spent the first 3 months working at a van conversion factory and then got a call to come and interview at the South Bend First Church of the Nazarene. 
It was at this church where a group of people took a big risk on hiring a young kid fresh out of school. And the Minix family in particular came to our side and supported us in youth ministry as volunteers and incredible friends. My first church would soon become a place that still feels like home. Terry and Holly invested alot in this young couple from Olivet Nazarene University. They loved us through many interesting and sometimes challenging times. Holly even let this kid come in and take over the youth ministry that she was already doing incredibly well. I still greatly value their opinion to this day. They are a great example of people who love and show grace to all. A great example of people who encourage and believe in their pastors and prayed for me in ways I can't even imagine.
It was at this church where a group of people took a big risk on hiring a young kid fresh out of school. And the Minix family in particular came to our side and supported us in youth ministry as volunteers and incredible friends. My first church would soon become a place that still feels like home. Terry and Holly invested alot in this young couple from Olivet Nazarene University. They loved us through many interesting and sometimes challenging times. Holly even let this kid come in and take over the youth ministry that she was already doing incredibly well. I still greatly value their opinion to this day. They are a great example of people who love and show grace to all. A great example of people who encourage and believe in their pastors and prayed for me in ways I can't even imagine. 
And so on this sabbatical I am reminded of my roots. The people that God brought into my life to change me, to mold me, to teach me and allow me to see how God was and still is using them in my life today. May we never forget our roots in our own spiritual journey. Who do you need to contact today and just share a few thoughts with them of how they have impacted your life for Christ.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Where do you call home?
Over this sabbatical I have had a chance to go to a few different churches and see how others "do" church. Of course in the scheme of the church the ultimate question has nothing to do with style of a worship service, style of preaching, order of a service, etc, etc,...it has to do with whether or not a church is "being" the church. But, that is a whole nother posting!!!
I went back to my roots for part of this sabbatical. Good roots that shaped and molded me into who I am today. I spent one Sunday at the church I grew up in at Clinton, Il. (http://www.clintonilnazarene.com/ ). A rural community of about 8,000 people. I grew up in a church where from the cradle to the day I left for college people of the church were constantly encouraging me and showing me love. I can't say that I remember any profound Sunday School lessons or sermons, but I do remember people who showed me Christ love in such a genuine way, God used that love to draw me to Him.
Today, the Clinton Nazarene Church is striving to reach out to its community. It was really neat to see some of the ways they are attempting to show love to those around them, not just inside the church walls, but outside of them as well. My prayer is that my home church is one that strives to reach people that don't know Jesus at any cost. That they would be used by God in their community beyond their wildest imagination.
Over the next few post I will share with you about some of the other churches we visited as well. Some of the churches I will highlight include: Granger Community Church (http://www.gccwired.com/ , Crossroads Community Church http://www.mycrossroadscommunity.com/ , and Crossbridge Community Church ( http://www.crossbridgecommunity.org/ ).
I went back to my roots for part of this sabbatical. Good roots that shaped and molded me into who I am today. I spent one Sunday at the church I grew up in at Clinton, Il. (http://www.clintonilnazarene.com/ ). A rural community of about 8,000 people. I grew up in a church where from the cradle to the day I left for college people of the church were constantly encouraging me and showing me love. I can't say that I remember any profound Sunday School lessons or sermons, but I do remember people who showed me Christ love in such a genuine way, God used that love to draw me to Him.
Today, the Clinton Nazarene Church is striving to reach out to its community. It was really neat to see some of the ways they are attempting to show love to those around them, not just inside the church walls, but outside of them as well. My prayer is that my home church is one that strives to reach people that don't know Jesus at any cost. That they would be used by God in their community beyond their wildest imagination.
Over the next few post I will share with you about some of the other churches we visited as well. Some of the churches I will highlight include: Granger Community Church (http://www.gccwired.com/ , Crossroads Community Church http://www.mycrossroadscommunity.com/ , and Crossbridge Community Church ( http://www.crossbridgecommunity.org/ ).
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The Solitude Experience- Day 3
Day 3 Morning
Hosea 5:10….Judah’s leaders are like those who move boundary stones….
I don’t know exactly what that means, but will research it more when I get back to my commentaries and other resources. This verse did stand out to me this morning as I was reading this chapter. I can think of too many times where I have tried to move the boundary stones that God has established for my life. Usually I just move them a few inches because surely God won’t notice and I won’t feel too guilty. But, it doesn’t work that way does it? I live in the freedom of grace, and I live in the freedom of the boundaries that God has given me.
Went for another walk with Jesus. The loneliness is gone as I have completely submerged myself into being in God’s presence. I love it. My thoughts were today on how I have to keep these kinds of “meetings” going with my Jesus. Not for sake of tradition or to say I have a great prayer life, but because I so desperately need it to be in tune with Him.
This has been good. Really good for me. I would encourage all who are reading this to take the time to find those places of solitude. Why not set a weekend aside each year or every six months and get away from everything and just focus on Jesus. I promise you it is very valuable to your journey.
Hosea 5:10….Judah’s leaders are like those who move boundary stones….
I don’t know exactly what that means, but will research it more when I get back to my commentaries and other resources. This verse did stand out to me this morning as I was reading this chapter. I can think of too many times where I have tried to move the boundary stones that God has established for my life. Usually I just move them a few inches because surely God won’t notice and I won’t feel too guilty. But, it doesn’t work that way does it? I live in the freedom of grace, and I live in the freedom of the boundaries that God has given me.
Went for another walk with Jesus. The loneliness is gone as I have completely submerged myself into being in God’s presence. I love it. My thoughts were today on how I have to keep these kinds of “meetings” going with my Jesus. Not for sake of tradition or to say I have a great prayer life, but because I so desperately need it to be in tune with Him.
This has been good. Really good for me. I would encourage all who are reading this to take the time to find those places of solitude. Why not set a weekend aside each year or every six months and get away from everything and just focus on Jesus. I promise you it is very valuable to your journey.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
The Solitude Experience- Day 2 (3rd Posting)
Day 2- The Sunset and The Deer
Okay, after cooking up a pork chop wrapped in bacon and marinated since yesterday afternoon, I enjoyed my simple little meal. But then I felt drawn back out to the trail before the sun went down. As I walked out the door I realized that I may miss the sunset, so I ran up a big, wet, muddy hill to try and see it. Didn’t work. Beautiful skyline, but no sunset. So I did what I had been doing all day…I walked with Jesus. It was an encouraging time for me. I needed that.
Now I did something crazy that I would not recommend in your spiritual life. There is one thing I have been struggling with and longing for God’s direction on for a long time. I felt as if He had given me answers in the Paria Canyon last fall, but have doubted it sense. So I did something that I usually do not recommend. I asked God for a sign. I just needed to know that he believed in me. Here is the crazy part. I asked to see a deer.
Now as I walked the trail I debated with myself how silly it was to ask and how my faith is strong enough that I don’t need a sign. I said all that, but I gotta tell you I was stopping about every ten feet with every noise I heard hoping to see a deer. Then my mind went to battling itself because I had that discussion of; well if I don’t see a deer does that mean God is saying “no”, but then saying my faith is stronger than some sign. Then I gave up looking for a deer and just kept praying and walking. Probably 10 minutes later, there they were. Two beautiful deer standing in the trail in front of me about 50 feet away. I froze, allowing the mosquito to drink plenty of blood from my leg, but I was not moving. The deer looked at me from a distance, and then one of them began to walk towards me. For about 20 feet he moved closer, and then jumped off into the woods.
So, here I was perplexed. Yes, I saw a deer, just what I had asked God for. But, I also am not a believer in asking God for a sign. AND, I am in the woods…at dusk…in a place where I have already seen deer. Do you see the complexity of my spiritual struggle here? So, as a person maturing in their faith and trying to not over spiritualize everything, I stand on the fact that my faith in God and choice to follow him are strong elements of my life regardless of a sign.
However, the kid in me with a child like faith (which Jesus told us to have) says….I believe.
Thanks for an incredible day in your presence God. I know you love me. And I love you.
Okay, after cooking up a pork chop wrapped in bacon and marinated since yesterday afternoon, I enjoyed my simple little meal. But then I felt drawn back out to the trail before the sun went down. As I walked out the door I realized that I may miss the sunset, so I ran up a big, wet, muddy hill to try and see it. Didn’t work. Beautiful skyline, but no sunset. So I did what I had been doing all day…I walked with Jesus. It was an encouraging time for me. I needed that.
Now I did something crazy that I would not recommend in your spiritual life. There is one thing I have been struggling with and longing for God’s direction on for a long time. I felt as if He had given me answers in the Paria Canyon last fall, but have doubted it sense. So I did something that I usually do not recommend. I asked God for a sign. I just needed to know that he believed in me. Here is the crazy part. I asked to see a deer.
Now as I walked the trail I debated with myself how silly it was to ask and how my faith is strong enough that I don’t need a sign. I said all that, but I gotta tell you I was stopping about every ten feet with every noise I heard hoping to see a deer. Then my mind went to battling itself because I had that discussion of; well if I don’t see a deer does that mean God is saying “no”, but then saying my faith is stronger than some sign. Then I gave up looking for a deer and just kept praying and walking. Probably 10 minutes later, there they were. Two beautiful deer standing in the trail in front of me about 50 feet away. I froze, allowing the mosquito to drink plenty of blood from my leg, but I was not moving. The deer looked at me from a distance, and then one of them began to walk towards me. For about 20 feet he moved closer, and then jumped off into the woods.
So, here I was perplexed. Yes, I saw a deer, just what I had asked God for. But, I also am not a believer in asking God for a sign. AND, I am in the woods…at dusk…in a place where I have already seen deer. Do you see the complexity of my spiritual struggle here? So, as a person maturing in their faith and trying to not over spiritualize everything, I stand on the fact that my faith in God and choice to follow him are strong elements of my life regardless of a sign.
However, the kid in me with a child like faith (which Jesus told us to have) says….I believe.
Thanks for an incredible day in your presence God. I know you love me. And I love you.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The Solitude Experience Day 2 (2nd Posting)
Day 2- Afternoon
I took a five mile run. I have been training for some triathlons and races this summer and have to keep up on that training for a race this Saturday. But I also love to run. It a time and a place for me to not think about anything. A time for me to focus on breathing and talking to Jesus once my mind is clear. Today was tough. The first 2.5 were great. Downhill the whole way. The torture began when I turned around and headed back. 2.5 pretty much up hill the whole way. 
Once I was back at the property I went ahead and headed out on a trail for another conversation with Jesus. I am embracing it all better today. The feelings of loneliness are less powerful and I am enjoying the focused time with God. Got back to my cabin, took a shower and started reading, and reading, and reading. A few more chapters of Hosea and then some challenging articles and books on ministering to this generation of 20 somethings and younger.
Once I was back at the property I went ahead and headed out on a trail for another conversation with Jesus. I am embracing it all better today. The feelings of loneliness are less powerful and I am enjoying the focused time with God. Got back to my cabin, took a shower and started reading, and reading, and reading. A few more chapters of Hosea and then some challenging articles and books on ministering to this generation of 20 somethings and younger.Day 2- Evening
Went for another walk with Jesus after reading. I have taken a new trail each time I have been here and this trail was particularly beautiful. It followed a noisy creek that constantly had water falling over rocks or turning in a new direction. I talked to God a lot about my attitude, my weaknesses, my temptations. More than anything I sensed His love for me. But with that love a challenge to not let anything become some excuse for not continuing to grow in God’s grace. To never stop battling my sinful nature. It was good, very good.
The Solitude Experience Day 2
Day 2- morning
Well, I woke up at 6:30 AM but told myself to go back to sleep and I did. At 8 AM I rolled out of bed to see that is was raining quite a bit here. Ate some breakfast, sat on the porch reading an article about how we as preachers may not preach enough about sin. Interesting read. I agree with most of it. I feel like I don’t shy away from talking about sin, hell, and the cross, but I want to make sure I am clear every time I talk about it so to not confuse anyone. I am a strong believer in God’s conviction tugging at a heart more than my words having any true power outside of God using them.
Went for my walk with Jesus today. Prayed for my family, prayed for staff at church. Prayed a lot for our church. There is always so much going on at that place that I can easily get consumed by it. There are the administrative issues which you can’t ignore in a setting like VNC. There are things that need to get done, sermons to be prepped and bathed in prayer, lives to be invested in, unscheduled meetings, and dynamics of a staff that are there because we are real people too who need each other in this journey. I was looking for some answers this morning and got nothing. I am not expecting an audible voice, but an overwhelming sense of peace would be great to have!
The only thing that I felt led to do was to go back and start reading the book of Hosea. So that is what I have been doing right before this post. The first two chapters are a powerful demonstration of how much our God loves us in spite of our choosing sin over Him way to many times. A lot of meat in this book that I will probably do as a series in the fall… unless God has something else in mind as I read through it. Maybe it is just a message for me.
Well, I woke up at 6:30 AM but told myself to go back to sleep and I did. At 8 AM I rolled out of bed to see that is was raining quite a bit here. Ate some breakfast, sat on the porch reading an article about how we as preachers may not preach enough about sin. Interesting read. I agree with most of it. I feel like I don’t shy away from talking about sin, hell, and the cross, but I want to make sure I am clear every time I talk about it so to not confuse anyone. I am a strong believer in God’s conviction tugging at a heart more than my words having any true power outside of God using them.
Went for my walk with Jesus today. Prayed for my family, prayed for staff at church. Prayed a lot for our church. There is always so much going on at that place that I can easily get consumed by it. There are the administrative issues which you can’t ignore in a setting like VNC. There are things that need to get done, sermons to be prepped and bathed in prayer, lives to be invested in, unscheduled meetings, and dynamics of a staff that are there because we are real people too who need each other in this journey. I was looking for some answers this morning and got nothing. I am not expecting an audible voice, but an overwhelming sense of peace would be great to have!
The only thing that I felt led to do was to go back and start reading the book of Hosea. So that is what I have been doing right before this post. The first two chapters are a powerful demonstration of how much our God loves us in spite of our choosing sin over Him way to many times. A lot of meat in this book that I will probably do as a series in the fall… unless God has something else in mind as I read through it. Maybe it is just a message for me.
Monday, August 3, 2009
The Solitude Experience Day 1 (2nd posting)
The following posts will be copies of my journal as I experienced this time of solitude on my sabbatical. I ended up staying at the Christ in The Wilderness Spiritual Retreat Center. You can visit them online at www.citwretreat.com , a great place to get away if you are up to the challenge of a road trip and being alone with Jesus.
Day 1- Evening
I am alone. I mean I really feel alone. Its like I am having the feelings of anxiety I used to struggle with as a kid at a large gathering of people. It would probably surprise you that I still feel those feelings every now and then but have learned to get beyond them. I miss hearing my little girls laughter and talking in the background. I miss the presence of my wife. Right now I wish I was having some divine moment but instead I am just reading then calling it a night. I look forward to the walks with Jesus tomorrow. And I hope this loneliness goes away….
Day 1- Evening
I am alone. I mean I really feel alone. Its like I am having the feelings of anxiety I used to struggle with as a kid at a large gathering of people. It would probably surprise you that I still feel those feelings every now and then but have learned to get beyond them. I miss hearing my little girls laughter and talking in the background. I miss the presence of my wife. Right now I wish I was having some divine moment but instead I am just reading then calling it a night. I look forward to the walks with Jesus tomorrow. And I hope this loneliness goes away….
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Solitude Experience Day 1
The following posts will be copies of my journal as I experienced this time of solitude on my sabbatical. I ended up staying at the Christ in The Wilderness Spiritual Retreat Center. You can visit them online at www.citwretreat.com , a great place to get away if you are up to the challenge of a road trip and being alone with Jesus.
Day 1- Afternoon
Well I traveled about 3.5 hours to get away from it all. And I am away from it all. Still adjusting to that today. My original plan was to travel to a monastery in Kentucky and live a few days with the monks in solitude. That trip was about 6 hours and I had enough driving for the time being and decided the day before heading to Kentucky to see if there were any other options. I called two places. One place called me back. Christ in the Wilderness is located near Rockford, IL and is a unique setting of spiritual solitude. At any time there are only three guest in this 80 acre piece of property. Each with their own private cabin. When she called back, she said just an hour ago someone had cancelled, and that indeed I could come in the next morning.
So, here I am…I am having trouble slowing down and unwinding today. The whole ride over I realized I had the radio going the whole time. No silence in that car ride. You know how you go to a hotel and what are the first things you do….hop on the bed and grab a remote. Well there is a bed here, but no TV, no wireless, no bells and whistles…but they do have air conditioning thank goodness. Well my first hour here was spent doing an interview with a writer from the Chicago Tribune. They were doing a piece on how the economy has driven people to seek spiritual refuge to survive. I am not sure if I did a good job of answering the questions the way they wanted, but I did get a chance to be very real about my faith in Jesus and what this experience means to me.
After they left I sat down and did some reading. I brought books about prayer, leadership, preaching, and of course my Bible. Finally after about an hour I set out on a walk to talk with God. For those of you that know me well or have heard me speak about my prayer life, I like to walk and pray. I do it at the church and it was awesome to do it out here on the miles of trails. I walked and talked with God. Now, I have never heard God’s audible voice, but I do believe that I hear him more clearly when my mind is clear of all of life's distractions. I believe he speaks through the Spirit in my thoughts. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it does to me. After about an hour on the many trails they have, I am back and ready to eat dinner. Tonight, I cook a pizza (real rustic huh?). Perhaps I will post more later tonight.
Day 1- Afternoon
Well I traveled about 3.5 hours to get away from it all. And I am away from it all. Still adjusting to that today. My original plan was to travel to a monastery in Kentucky and live a few days with the monks in solitude. That trip was about 6 hours and I had enough driving for the time being and decided the day before heading to Kentucky to see if there were any other options. I called two places. One place called me back. Christ in the Wilderness is located near Rockford, IL and is a unique setting of spiritual solitude. At any time there are only three guest in this 80 acre piece of property. Each with their own private cabin. When she called back, she said just an hour ago someone had cancelled, and that indeed I could come in the next morning.
So, here I am…I am having trouble slowing down and unwinding today. The whole ride over I realized I had the radio going the whole time. No silence in that car ride. You know how you go to a hotel and what are the first things you do….hop on the bed and grab a remote. Well there is a bed here, but no TV, no wireless, no bells and whistles…but they do have air conditioning thank goodness. Well my first hour here was spent doing an interview with a writer from the Chicago Tribune. They were doing a piece on how the economy has driven people to seek spiritual refuge to survive. I am not sure if I did a good job of answering the questions the way they wanted, but I did get a chance to be very real about my faith in Jesus and what this experience means to me.
After they left I sat down and did some reading. I brought books about prayer, leadership, preaching, and of course my Bible. Finally after about an hour I set out on a walk to talk with God. For those of you that know me well or have heard me speak about my prayer life, I like to walk and pray. I do it at the church and it was awesome to do it out here on the miles of trails. I walked and talked with God. Now, I have never heard God’s audible voice, but I do believe that I hear him more clearly when my mind is clear of all of life's distractions. I believe he speaks through the Spirit in my thoughts. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it does to me. After about an hour on the many trails they have, I am back and ready to eat dinner. Tonight, I cook a pizza (real rustic huh?). Perhaps I will post more later tonight.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
And Then I Saw Jesus Part II
As we boarded the plane that night in St. Louis, we had no idea the experience that would unfold as we journeyed to Florida. Our flight had a transfer in Atlanta, and when we got on board it was packed. There were however a few open seats. Of which, one I took to sit by my wife. What we didn’t expect was a very drunk lady to sit next to Crystal as well. As the flight progressed it was obvious that she was wasted and not all there at the moment. She showed no consideration for Crystal sitting next to her as she threw herself all over the seat and occasionally sliding herself into crystal’s as well. Then to our shock as the flight attendant came around taking drink orders, both Crystal and I tried to make eye contact with her to make sure she didn’t give this poor girl any more alcohol. But, the eye contact never happened, so here she now sat with another small bottle of liquor in her hand and she put it down quickly. Crystal made some small talk to see how she was, but you could sense that people in the seats around us were not having much compassion for this lady.
The turning point came next. We were about 25 minutes out of Fort Myers when this lady gathered her things, got up from her seat and went to the front of the plane. We saw her talk to the flight attendant and then attempt to return to her seat. She stumbled down the aisle and passed us up almost falling down. Once in her seat, Crystal reached out and touched her arm and asked her, “are you okay?”
This poor woman had literally thought the flight was over and she was getting off the plane. She was now not only drunk but quite embarrassed. Crystal continued to talk to her, ask about her plans in Florida and occasionally would rub her back just as she does to our daughters. The woman expressed great appreciation to Crystal for just talking to her.
And then I saw Jesus….this time in my wife. In a moment when it was so easy for everyone to look away in disgust, my wife reached down into this woman’s painful world and showed her love…which is what I believe Jesus would have done as well. And not only did I see Jesus, but I believe others on that flight who had been so distracted by this woman’s drunkenness noticed Crystal as well. We are called to show the love of God to all, not just those that make us comfortable. That night I saw my wife demonstrate the love of God in an absolutely beautiful way.
The turning point came next. We were about 25 minutes out of Fort Myers when this lady gathered her things, got up from her seat and went to the front of the plane. We saw her talk to the flight attendant and then attempt to return to her seat. She stumbled down the aisle and passed us up almost falling down. Once in her seat, Crystal reached out and touched her arm and asked her, “are you okay?”
This poor woman had literally thought the flight was over and she was getting off the plane. She was now not only drunk but quite embarrassed. Crystal continued to talk to her, ask about her plans in Florida and occasionally would rub her back just as she does to our daughters. The woman expressed great appreciation to Crystal for just talking to her.
And then I saw Jesus….this time in my wife. In a moment when it was so easy for everyone to look away in disgust, my wife reached down into this woman’s painful world and showed her love…which is what I believe Jesus would have done as well. And not only did I see Jesus, but I believe others on that flight who had been so distracted by this woman’s drunkenness noticed Crystal as well. We are called to show the love of God to all, not just those that make us comfortable. That night I saw my wife demonstrate the love of God in an absolutely beautiful way.
Friday, July 31, 2009
And Then I Saw Jesus...
Crystal and I had taken the girls to my parents before we headed to Florida. They live in Central Illinois so it was easier for us to fly out of St. Louis than Chicago (and the tickets were cheaper too). So as Crystal and I made our way without children to the airport we had time to stop in St. Louis, visit with my sister and her family and get something to eat. While walking out of the restaurant and going to the van, a homeless man with one leg was asking for money. As I opened the door for Crystal to get in the van, I decided to go over and explain to the guy that I didn’t have any cash. Apparently as I moved towards him I had a very intimidating look. I know I am thinking the same thing…me…intimidating? Regardless he thought I was coming over to either verbally launch on him or physically do something to him. His response was, “hey man! I am just homeless. Just looking for help, not any trouble!”
Well after we both laughed at my “intimidation” I spent the next several minutes just talking to him. He explained how he lost his leg in a hit and run accident and then was more than willing to show me the scars from being dragged down the street. We talked about his fear of the shelters and how he was surviving at night in his “place”. After a few more minutes of conversation we shook hands and the homeless man said to the preacher, “God bless you man. Thanks for talking with me. Most people just walk by.”
As I got in the van, Crystal had some cash, so I hopped out and put it in his cup, gave him a big smile and he returned one as well. A big “God bless you” again and we drove away.
Jesus once said whatever you do for the least of these you do for me. So at first I saw a homeless guy with one leg….and then I saw Jesus.
Well after we both laughed at my “intimidation” I spent the next several minutes just talking to him. He explained how he lost his leg in a hit and run accident and then was more than willing to show me the scars from being dragged down the street. We talked about his fear of the shelters and how he was surviving at night in his “place”. After a few more minutes of conversation we shook hands and the homeless man said to the preacher, “God bless you man. Thanks for talking with me. Most people just walk by.”
As I got in the van, Crystal had some cash, so I hopped out and put it in his cup, gave him a big smile and he returned one as well. A big “God bless you” again and we drove away.
Jesus once said whatever you do for the least of these you do for me. So at first I saw a homeless guy with one leg….and then I saw Jesus.
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